Accelerated Death Benefits

this is a new song under construction.  I dedicate it to my fellow agents in the field of insurance.

Hello and greetings from the good news! Oklahellmouth's public window on things that don't suck, frighten or depress.

This photo was taken by N. Vehst Ed, a journalism major from the University of Central Oklahellmouth.  You can find more of her work here on thefatherphil.com in the coming weeks or in print, in the knd's upcoming zine.

This photo was shot last week by N. V. E. in the Harrah/Newalla area of the Oklahellmouth.

Feel free to comment or send in your own purdy pics of the oklahellmouth.  If you would like to contribute writing to the good news, please email: thefatherphil@yahoo.com

the Good News!! - episode one

tired of standard media coverage of murder, rape, war, killing, homeless puppies, the trouble with money and death in general?  Welcome to the Good News!!
(We don't report that shit.)

food fight (draft)

     The Bucket o' Blood opens on time.  You're not sure how the boss was able to get the police in an out so quick, but Notnek sped the wheels of justice along and now has his restaurant open.  The question of legality is open to debate.  Can one serve hamburgers at a crime scene?  You, Hopskotch and Free Dave are sure gonna try!  The focus this morning was on clean up and sanitation, so you decided to run with the left overs of yesterday's specials and to stock they line as the day runs on.  The cooks who were in jail yesterday are out on bail today and there is even new guy coming in to watch the dish machine work this evening.  So it looks like you and your morning crew might only have to work one shift today.  Other than losing a dear friend to seemingly random violence, this could turn out to be a decent day.  

Finnegan, you know that thoughts like that only lead to the entire world going to hell.

     The day is somewhat warmish and the sun is shining; so the first customers of the morning only order light sandwiches and salads.  You call out tickets and Hopskotch assembles the salads and you grill the bread for the sandwiches.  Free Dave makes some fries and other assorted fried foods.  Then as the lunch crowd starts to thicken and the construction workers come in with their appetites for steak and various meats Free Dave's grill starts to heat the kitchen up, despite the aging vent hood's attempt to suck smoke and heat out from the grill area.  Free Dave goes through the last of the regular local beef patties and opens a new box.  "Okay guys, lets try out the hamburgers Rickie Torch brought us!", says Free Dave with obvious joy in his voice. Free Dave sticks his hand into the box of meat in the fridge and he starts to scream.  

     You and Hopskotch, and probably everyone else in the Bucket o' Blood stop what you're doing and turn to look at Free Dave.  Free Dave tries to pull his hand out of the burger box and out of the refrigerator but he meets with resistance.  You can't see what it is he is struggling with but before you can come to his aide Free Dave falls to his knees and backs away from the fridge.  He is holding what is left of his right arm, it seems to be missing a hand and most of a wrist.  Blood pours out of Free Dave's stump and you think he's gonna pass out, but he just keeps screaming and trying to crawl away from the fridge where his eyes are still fixed in terror.  Out of the meat fridge crawls a creature somewhat larger than a basketball.  It has an eye in the center of it, a few strands of greasy black hair, a spike sticking out of the top of it, four rather sharp looking teeth protruding out of a mouth and four tentacles that it uses to maneuver around with.  The meat creature has Free Dave's missing hand in it's mouth.  The creature swallows the hand whole and you watch saw the hand passes through the blobs one foot tall body and then protrudes through the bottom and in between the tentacles.  You can see the hand is now fully functional for the living meat, because it is using the hand to crawl/walk like a spider toward Free Dave.  Free Dave lays between you and the fridge monster on the floor.  You grab your spatula off of the grill as the meat flings out one if it's tentacles and wraps it round Free Dave's favorite right leg.  The monster pulls itself towards him and lunges at the leg with razor sharp teeth.  You jump forward, straddling Free Dave, and slice through the tentacle with the spatula.  The meat screams in pain much like Free Dave did minutes ago, and turns it attention to you.  

     You jump up off of your broken co-worker, spatula in hand, and face down every cooks worst fear; the food fights back.  You stand feet spread apart ready to fight or flight.  The meat jumps over it's first victim and lands at your feet.  It moves quick, you think, it really is fast food.  The meat fakes left and then lunges for your right leg.  You step out of the way of it's attack and smack it with the back of your spatula.  The cow patty goes flying back down the cook line, tentacles flailing, and lands on the back wall.  It sticks to the wall, dripping with grease, grime and Free Dave blood.  The meat looks a bit dazed from the blow you delivered.  It shakes its body and focuses its one eye on you and narrows it in anger.  The meat bares it's fangs and tenses its limbs.  You step forward wielding your spatula and pick up a knife off of the salad line.  Two warriors on the field of battle.  The fryer next to the back wall bubbles. Free Dave lays bleeding on the ground.  The meat waves it's tentacles like a fighter wanting their opponent to bring it on.  You raise your spatula hand to block with and lower your knife hand to stab and cut with.  The meat jumps at your head.  Almost in slow motion you watch as the former box of hamburgers flies five feet across the kitchen, tentacles swinging toward your face.  As you prepare to respond to the attack, Hopskotch steps between you and the pint sized beast with a metal pot and it's lid.  The meat's eye gets real wide when it's flight through the air is ended abruptly by the Dishwasher capturing it in a soup pot.  "Clang!!", echoes the lid as Hopskotch captures your food based foe.

     The battle brought to a halt, you high five Hopskotch after he places the pot on the floor and places a foot on the lid to keep the beast at bay.   

mine kafon teaser

mine kafon

mine kafon